Alone is not Lonely?

     I had hoped to post some pictures of scalloping, but I was forgotten! I was invited and eagerly accepted, but the group left without me. No one was aware I was not there.  I am feeling very much alone, aware that I am responsible for my aloneness. I am trying to decide if this is an area of my life I should be working on.
     There are two new workampers who call each other “sissy” (as in sister). Their rvs are parked next to each other, you never see one without the other, they work together, and they talk all day to each other. They eat meals together, and share a car.  
     All summer long Miss Roberta kept saying that workamper Anita “takes care of me.” I was a little frustrated because I was trying to facilitate the smooth running of the café and park to the best of my ability. I took responsibilities off Roberta’s plate (cleaning the bathrooms, washing the café towels, getting ice for the café) and still Roberta waited for Anita to “take care of me.” Anita arrived. It's not the chores she does that makes Roberta feel cared for. She pats Roberta on the back, gives her a hug, and tells her it’s okay.
     It’s not that I don’t have friends. I skype nearly every Sunday with Amy, a friend from Arizona for 15 years. My sister-in-law Julie and I talk almost every week and are planning a vacation. I have two friends here in the park I talk to often, Lena and Lorie. There are a half dozen or so more I send notes to every few weeks, and I lost my friend of many years, Jayleen, in April.
     But I spend most of my time alone or with Gracie. There are days that I have no personal conversations with anyone. I engage in pleasantries and share work-related information, but neither reveal nor solicit personal exchanges. There are weeks (months?) that go by that I do not touch another human.
     I am aware that much of this is learned. My mother never had a “bff” who sat in the kitchen and drank coffee. Oprah says she had to learn to give hugs because she was never hugged as a child. It never occurred to me that I had to learn.
     I have never been motivated to change my behavior because I don’t mind being alone. Am I missing a dimension of life? Is this another aspect of low self-esteem, that I cannot imagine anyone wanting to be my bff? Do I see close friendship as impinging on my freedom?
     Today was the last day of scalloping, so I have missed an adventure. I wonder how many other opportunities I have missed because I don’t have close friends? I have always said being alone is not being lonely, but today the line is blurry.